Being an introvert with social anxiety, the truth is that I haven’t met a lot of people.
However, I do know that there are people out there who won’t get angry at you for having boundaries. Relationships are not always toxic and full of anger.
There are so many people who won’t bat an eye at you requesting something in a relationship. They will accept your request and make sure to hold you up on it.
If your relationships are full of fights and your significant other is always angry, then there is a problem.
There is no benefit to flying into rages at the slightest thing.
If you are in such a relationship, you might want to ask yourself some difficult questions on whether or not your relationship is a toxic one with an emotionally abusive person.
Obviously, some form of anger may present itself in a relationship. Every relationship has fights. Because every person always has some new boundaries they want to establish.
Anger is okay. It’s a healthy emotion. The problem comes when you act on that anger and do things like scream, smash plates, punch walls, throw things, and hurt your significant other.
Whenever I’d get angry at my partner, I would spit out sharp hurtful words. However, I learnt that those hurtful words are literally useless. They serve no purpose. They were just a way for me to express and let go of my anger. That’s why I don’t do it anymore.
I now have healthier ways to cope with controlling anger in a relationship. Keep reading to find out.
The First Step in Dealing with Anger
Before we get into the 5 steps for controlling anger in a relationship, I’d like to share one thing you need to do every time you get angry.
When you get angry, acknowledge it.
After acknowledging your anger, ask yourself why you feel angry. Start from the beginning. Let it all out. You can do this in your head, or on paper, or out loud.
Don’t shut away feelings like anger. Accept them, and don’t think of them as evil or wrong.
Anger is anger. It’s just an emotion that lets you know how you feel.
Anger does not have to ruin your whole day.
Don’t lash out or express your anger violently.
Yeah, you are angry. But that doesn’t give you a ticket into flying into a rage.
5 Ways to Control Anger in a Relationship (in a Healthy Way)
Here are 5 things you need to consider the next time you are mad and need to control anger in a relationship.
1 . Be honest
Be honest from the start. Don’t hide your true feelings on certain topics like boundaries.
It’s better if you are honest about your boundaries from the start. When your significant other does something you don’t like, gently call them out.
I know we all feel like we want to impress other people by seeming cool and chill the first few times we meet them.
However, it’s time to stop making excuses in the early stages of a relationship. It just causes the tension to pile up further down the road.
2 . Speak up
A healthy way of expressing anger in a relationship is to gently speak out.
“I love you, babe, but what you are doing isn’t sitting right with me.”
Anger is anger. we don’t angry for no reason. There is always something that bothers us. There is no need to bury it down and forget about it.
If there is one thing about anger that I know, it’s that it doesn’t just disappear. You have let it out in a healthy manner.
Remember to separate yourself from your anger. You are not anger. You are experiencing anger.
3 . Avoid lashing out
Lashing out is one of the biggest causes for breakups.
You keep things stuffed deep down, and when you get angry, you lash out.
Lashing out is when you say all the mean and hurtful things you wouldn’t have said in a normal mood.
Lashing out is useless. It serves no purpose. It just makes you guilty and the other person really hurt.
If you are angry, don’t feel bad. Don’t feel evil. Just speak gently and resolve the matter.
4 . Love is pure acceptance
Remember that love is pure acceptance.
The whole point of a relationship is to feel love. And love by definition means pure acceptance.
When your significant other gets mad (in a healthy manner), try to support them instead of getting defensive.
Also, be sure to give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, you literally love them. Maybe you should make an excuse for them.
Try to validate them. People are okay. Their emotions are okay. The problem is when they express their emotions in a bad way.
5 . Work things out
There is a reason why the two of you chose to be together.
Work together and work things out. Come to an understanding. Try to fix things instead of being mad.
I know some people just keep quiet because they don’t want to hurt the other person, but you would be surprised how your partner is willing to work things out with you.
Be angry but healthily
Anger is just another human emotion. It wants to be seen and heard. Just like a young child. If you give your emotions that feeling of visibility, they usually just disappear. Try it out next time you feel angry.
“Oh. I feel angry right now. And that’s because he left his plate on the sofa again.”
From here you can go and tell them that they need to keep their plate in the kitchen after eating. Use a neutral tone of voice.
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