I’m excited to announce my new e-book on Narcissism. Check it out here.
This post is about how to beat narcissists at their own game. Before we get started, you have to understand that you are dealing with someone who has a personality disorder. They are not a normal, well functional emotional person. Be careful with confronting a narcissist, or worse, trying to beat them at their own game.
You should proceed with caution, in a situation where you know that there won’t be dangerous repercussions. It’s more favorable with a covert narcissist, or someone who doesn’t consciously know that they have some sort of personality disorder. In fact, it’s better to start these tactics when you are finally going to leave your narcissist.
Trying to beat narcissists at their own game is going to be very hard if you haven’t completely healed yourself of their toxic manipulation, because you might just make it worse. However, sometimes it’s just soothing to watch someone get a taste of their own medicine.
Don’t forget to check out my new book on Narcissism. BUY NOW.
What is a Narcissist?
The true meaning of the word narcissist is coming into light these past few years. Before, being a narcissist meant that you were obsessed with your looks or you posted selfies all the time. But now, people are starting to see narcissistic people for who they really are. These are people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
It’s not that hard to pick out a person exhibiting narcissistic tendencies from a regular person. If you have ever come across a person who said something so false with utmost conviction, then you have an idea about these kinds of people. They lie through their teeth while we look at them with shock.
They feel like they deserve the best from us while giving us nothing in return. They love to play with our feelings for fun. They don’t believe other people are worthy like them. They torture and mock and wound us. These are the kind of people that are narcissists. People who just don’t act like normal, kind human beings.
Seeking help and finding community as a victim of narcissistic abuse is important. One of my favorite youtubers on narcissism is Lisa A Romano. She is an amazing soul that shares her experience on marrying and having kids with a narcissist and finally breaking free. Check out her video below.
How to Play a Narcissist at Their Own Game
The first step in learning how to beat a narcissist in his own game is to open your eyes and start to notice the patterns and the mindsets of these people. Find out the things narcissists say in an argument. Learn to keep silent while you start to get over them like you are breaking up with them – but of course without telling them. Understand your power and take it back from them.
1 – Open your eyes to their abuse
The best way to beat narcissists at their own game is to open your eyes, and become aware of their toxic abuse and manipulation. The narcissist always seeks out people who are oblivious to their manipulation. That’s why it’s almost always empathic people who get caught in narcissists’ webs. People who are sweet and naïve also have a predisposition for misjudging narcissists. There are people out there (previously myself included) who truly have no idea that predators exist out there, and want to suck you dry.
Narcissists know what they want in their prey. They study people and their mannerisms, their aura, their sense of self, the self-esteem, they know how to pick the perfect victim for their abuse. This is why it’s important to snap out of your sweet innocent world and see a narcissist for who they truly are: a manipulative, brainwashing abuser.
Check out: How to Spot a Narcissist | Top 3 Red Flags of a Potential Narcissist
2 – Don’t call them a narcissist to their face
It’s advisable to not call this person a narcissist to their face. That’s because they will double down on their efforts to manipulate you into their toxic abuse. You probably know how it goes. They turn the tables on you, calling out your past transgressions, or blame you for the way they are, they might go ahead and threaten you, the whole shebang!
3 – Ignore them
If you want to beat narcissists at their own game, ignore them! Narcissists love ignoring their victims. They manipulate you so that their love and validation is like a casino to you. You’re addicted to those few moments of attention that you get from them. They are getting you addicted to them like a drug.
The sad reality of narcissistic relationships is that narcissists target people who are dying for love, attention and validation from someone, anyone! They capitalize on this and remind you every once in a while that no one wants you, and that they are taking pity on you. This further solidifies their brainwashing and even making you fall in love with them, to the point where you can’t live without them.
Back to ignoring the narcissist: it might go wrong if all you do is refuse to reply to them, either in person, or to their text messages. The real way to do it is to downplay their achievements. Don’t do your usual over the top praising and loving. Keep it neutral and low.
Check out: How to Trust Yourself More
4 – Don’t react to their jabs
Narcissists love to take jabs at their victims. Telling them that no one loves them, or that they are liars and treat the narcissist badly. Mostly, these will be lies. And the thing about the narcissistic abuse victims is that they will be in shock at these falsehoods, and thus they will sputter and gasp, trying to defend themselves against their blatant lies.
What is it with these narcissists? They state clear falsehoods, waiting for the poor victims to take the bait and begin defending themselves. Narcissists LOVE looking at us squirm and fight to save our reputations. I’m tellin’ ya—these people have ISSUES. Why would anyone say something about you that is SO NOT TRUE? Well, that’s the thing: they like it.
In this step on how to beat narcissists at their own game, we are going to not react to their jabs. Don’t bite into the bait. Take it from me, there is no reason to defend yourself against a malicious narcissist saying wrong things about you, that you know are not true.
Here’s where it’s important to be fully aware of a narcissist’s true nature. They are lying manipulating cheats. The poor codependent naïve empath is quite capable of actually believing a narcissist’s lies. Trust me, I’ve been there. Thinking back, it baffles me how I could believe anything anyone could say about me, that I didn’t know about myself. That’s total crap!
Check out: 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
5 – Be aware and mindful of their true nature
Here’s where you need the resilience to be strong in your sense of self. Don’t let anyone tell you anything about yourself that isn’t true. Don’t for a second believe them. They have trapped you in their toxic abuse because you are the kind of person who will believe that kind of insulting behavior. I’ve been saying this like a broken record: Narcissists go hunting for the right prey. The weak-minded ones. The ones who don’t have a solid sense of self, or any boundaries for that matter.
I’m still trying to understand the deep roots of my narcissistic abuse. I still struggle to believe that none of what happened is my fault. I feel like narcissists should be in jail, or at least a psych ward. But no, they roam free, looking like average people; but inside they are harboring a great evil. They are ready to target unsuspecting genuinely nice people who could never harm a fly.
YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP | Ebook on How to deal with a Narcissist in your life
This is a book I wrote after successfully breaking free of the narcissist in my life. If you keep fighting for yourself, in the end you will prosper. All it takes is consistency. Learn how to start training yourself to let go of the narcissist in your life. One of the most important steps in this journey is to stop engaging and feeding the narcissist’s need to torture you while simultaneously victimizing themselves.
Click here to buy my e-book on how to deal with a narcissist in your life.
Check out: How to Become Stronger Emotionally
If you benefited from How to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game, that’s awesome! If you have any more tips to share with me about the red flags of potential narcissists, scroll down to the comments, and post them.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- 10 Mind Games Played by Narcissists
- 10 Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissist
- 6 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Conversations
- 7 Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back
- How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
- How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
- 3 Things a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know
- 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
- How I’m Dealing with My People Pleasing Behavior
- Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries
Helpful Books on Narcissism:
- Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi
- How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse by JH Simon
- Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse by Dana Morningstar
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Scary because to do this requires contact with them. I believe best is MOVE ON. Finding someone new is the BEST REVENGE. CUT THEM OFF.
Margo, I couldn’t agree with you more. Life gets SO PEACEFUL when you finally cut off all contact.
I agree with the moving on bits, but in the meantime if you aren’t able to move, these are great strategies to employ. Besides, maybe its just me, but in my experience narcissists are everywhere.
I think its important that we develop the skills necessary to destroy them when they are in our presence, not just for our sakes but for the sake of everyone else, who knows it might even save someone from trauma and harassment, (because lets not have empathy for them, they deserve it (and then some) since they have never acted with empathy for others to begin with). People like these need to be stopped early before they accumulate a following or else they end up causing terror in the lives of far too many.
I am normally but not overly empathetic, and I do get where you’re coming from. I lived with a narcissist for quite a few years. I know exactly how frustrating and crazy-making it can be. We should absolutely do whatever is necessary to protect ourselves and, above all, walk away if it’s possible. But we should also exercise a little compassion, at least in our own thoughts, Regardless of their many faults, narcissists are still human beings that didn’t ask to be the way they are. Hatred and vindictiveness benefit no one, least of all ourselves.
I’ve found Narcs target even the strongest of people, especially in the workplace. The problem is even the strongest are unaware of Coverts, and that is something Coverts rely on.
I’ve got a whole thing on weaknesses Narcs target and the roles they want people to play for them. The best thing to do is not to play their game of control aka playing by their rules.
Do not play into their game or play by their rules. In an Ego War, these losers win by you going to war in the way they expect you to, this only feeds their ego. Do not fight pointless battles or listen to them or agree with them like they want you to. Don’t feed their ego. You need to amass evidence if you can, make friends with the higher ups, don’t try to convince the Enablers, that’s what they want…. put yourself in as much of an advantageous position as possible. If you just let them think they’re winning, they won’t change tactics in response to being called out, use that to your advantage. They have a deadline and it’s being enforced by their ego. Everything they do is to feed their ego.
https://www.quora.com/q/laughingatnarcs/The-Circle-of-Slaves
https://www.quora.com/q/laughingatnarcs/The-Circle-of-Slaves
Conner,
I’m nodding my head at each and every one of your points. You have the art of dealing with a narcissist pretty much all down.
I completely agree with narcissists targeting even the strong ones. However, being a codependent/empath makes me really feel for people just like me.I really want us to learn to set strong boundaries so that a narcissist looking for a mean-time victim can easily skip over an empath/codependent.
When dealing with a narcissist, we need to learn to ENGAGE AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. If you can get away with being mute while they talk, go for it! I know how it goes. Every conversation is a jab at you, trying to get you to break down so they can enjoy watching you squirm like a worm.
We need to get back our power and stop waiting for their mark of approval with anything we do.
One huge red flag is when the narcissist starts a conversation, or responds by saying “i don’t care” when facts are presented. Or when you mention factual reality as opposed to perception, they will gaslight you saying “That’s not my reality, it’s yours”
By the way, you seem like an awesome person! I just found your site and I’m glad i did. All the strength to you Aza!