Learning to deal with a narcissist is essential. Whether you are new to narcissism or a veteran, you will definitely find some helpful strategies in this list to help you.
Don’t forget to grab my new e-book on narcissism from here.
Narcissism is a personality disorder. Narcissists aren’t regular people like you and me. Their minds work different from normal people’s. That’s why it is important to be careful and keep your wits about you.
For a lot of people, it’s pretty hard to imagine that one person can be that toxic and evil. Alas, you have to learn to be able to spot a narcissist. We’ve come to a point in society where it should be taught in schools.
In fact, you should watch out for narcissists while dating. If not, you will be in for a ride! Getting rid of a narcissist is very difficult. They know how to wrap you around their little finger.
This is why you need to know how to spot a narcissist. It should be common knowledge. But it’s not. So that’s why I have a list of 10 strategies for dealing with a narcissist. Sometimes it may be too late for the ‘prevention is better than control’ concept.
This is for people asking questions such as: How can I stand up to a narcissist?
- How do I set boundaries with a narcissist?
- How can I beat a narcissist?
- What can I avoid when talking to a narcissist?
- Let’s get into it.
10 Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissist
Here are a few smart strategies to deal with a narcissist. These people are conniving and manipulative, so you should have this arsenal of tools to healthily cope with them.
1 | Establish boundaries
Number one on how to deal with a narcissist: Establish boundaries.
Having boundaries means making YOURSELF the priority.
Narcissists have a way of spotting the right kind of people to manipulate.
These are people who will gladly put themselves in the backseat for others. Such a person will do things for others even though there are activities that need their urgent care.
This is why it important to set boundaries with people as soon as you meet them. This goes for everyone, really, but it’s most important when dealing with narcissistic people.
First impressions are really important. Make it clear from the get-go that you are not interested in long phone calls, if that’s what you hate. Tell them when you can’t do any requests from them that require you to bend over backwards. Cut them off for any signs of red flags. Try not to be a doormat.
All these are important first impressions when dealing with a narcissist.
2 | Don’t overshare
As a rule of thumb, avoid telling a narcissist, or anyone new, about your deepest darkest secrets. This is a rule when it comes to dating and meeting new people.
A narcissist will store it for future use and use it against you in the worst possible moment. They will use it to blackmail you and manipulate you into doing things for them.
Avoid sharing things that can be used at a later time to harm you.
I’m pretty good at not oversharing with new friends. But that’s only because learned such things the hard way. Don’t give narcissists any ammunition to destroy you.
3 | Narcissists don’t care if you feel hurt
A narcissist won’t bat an eyelid after hurting you.
Narcissists just can’t feel that kind of emotion. They don’t have genuine nurturing and caring instincts. When they hurt you, you look at them with this, ‘how can they just sit there like they haven’t done something horrible?’ That’s the thing: They don’t think they have done anything wrong. It just isn’t there in their genetic make-up.
WHEN SOMEONE DOESN’T APPEAR TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO STAND UP TO THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM. IF YOU’RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, YOU WILL START FEELING LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON FOR A NARCISSIST’S BAD BEHAVIOR. YOU ARE THE BAD GUY. YOU MESS THINGS UP.
This makes you try to love the narcissist harder so they don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or hurt by your ways. It sounds messed up, but that’s usually the cycle of abuse in narcissistic households.
4 | Don’t let them rile you up
Narcissists love having their own personal drama channels.
They love being entertained by regular folks squirming around and feeling under pressure. They love to watch our reactions and how we get affected by their piercing words, which they tailor specifically for this drama creation.
There is one more thing you need to know about narcissists: they have IMPECCABLE memory.
They will remember random things you did to poke at them – Things that were probably jokes at the time.
NARCISSISTS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BRING UP UNRELATED THINGS TO RILE YOU UP. MAYBE A JOKE YOU SAID, OR A SECRET YOU TOLD THEM. WHEN YOU’RE HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH A NARCISSIST, THEY WILL USE ALL THE AMMUNITION (IN FORM OF INFORMATION) THAT YOU PROVIDED THEM TO DISORIENT YOU.
Don’t tell a narcissist about your anger problems, or how you hate your mother. Or about the time you slipped up in your job and got told off for it. Narcissists have the ability to unearth such information in untimely situations and rile you up.
Do your best to remain calm in such situations. Create mantras for such times. Repeat them to yourself.
‘They are doing this to rile me up and watch how I react. It’s free entertainment for them.’
‘If I react or talk back, it’s only me that will get hurt.’
‘The only person who stands to lose anything by reacting is me.’
A narcissist will make a soup out of your brain. They will spin tales with their tongues and turn your brain to mush. They will make you tear out your hair and beat your fists on walls. You will feel the pain all over your body for days after. You will find random scratches on your body from when they drove you to a manic episode.
5 | Trust yourself over the narcissist’s words
Narcissists are all about games.
They want to watch you squirm. They want to watch you justify yourself in front of them. They want to watch you prove your innocence. They want to watch you defend yourself against their lies.
In this strategy for dealing with a narcissist, I want you to trust yourself over a narcissist’s word. Second-guess the narcissist. A word of caution though: don’t do this to a narcissist’s face. Don’t tell them things like:
‘I know what you’re doing and I won’t fall for it.’
‘You’re playing games with me and I know it.’
This can enrage a narcissist and they will begin to throw every piece of dirt they have on you. It has to be all about the mantras.
‘I trust myself over this person’s words. They are a snake.’
‘They are spinning tales to rile me up.’
‘I won’t hurt myself over a mere mortal’s vocal cords.’
‘I have the power to control my reactions.’
‘I will have lovely peace if I just shut up and don’t react.’
6 | Don’t take anything personally in order to deal with a narcissist
How to deal with a narcissist #6: Don’t take anything personally!
Narcissists have this way of making their victims think they are the bad guy. You get treated badly because you don’t love them good enough. Or that there is something wrong with you.
Here’s the thing: don’t take anything personally with a narcissist. They aren’t really targeting you. You are just a piece in the game they are playing. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.
I know how hard it is to have to deal with a narcissist or a manipulative person. You find yourself agreeing to everything they say or want to do. You know in your head that it’s do it or else…
DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST MEANS LIVING WITH A STRICT SET OF RULES REGARDING YOUR BEHAVIOR AND ACTIONS. IT’S LIKE THEY GIVE YOU A NEW MINDSET TO FOLLOW, WHERE YOU CAN’T DISTURB THEM BY DOING THINGS THEY DON’T LIKE, OR YOU WILL GET IN TROUBLE WITH THEM.
It’s always so difficult to explain why you stay with a narcissist or why you say yes to everything they ask. It sometimes sounds stupid when you can’t explain why you are stuck in that place. You just know that you can’t defy them. Trust me, I get it.
You just have to find a place inside your mind where you can accept that none of this is your fault. You have just been manipulated within an inch of your life. Your mind has formed deep intense connections and pathways that it takes time to re-wire your brain from narcissistic abuse.
7 | Stay on your toes to deal with a narcissist
How to deal with a narcissist: Stay on your toes.
Narcissists are stunning liars.
They know how to manipulate you. Narcissists know how to spin the perfectly believable tale. That’s because they don’t feel guilt.
The rest of us are capable of feeling guilt for the littlest things. Narcissists just don’t. That’s why narcissism is a personality disorder. Narcissists can’t feel like normal people do.
Stay true to yourself and second-guess the narcissist. Double check the facts presented by narcissists.
Narcissists are capable of playing mean tricks on you. They have a way of acting like award-winning actors. They can turn completely serious for a second and make you fall for their deception. This can cause trust issues and even sabotage chances for stuff like business opportunities!
8 | Try not to show off and brag
Narcissists. The people with grandiose sense of self. They want to be better than everyone out there. When you try to outshine the peacock, you’re going to ruffle a few feathers. Narcissists will get angry and irritated when you try to one-up them.
Imagine innocently telling a narcissist about your achievements. They will grill you further and ask questions and try to discredit you. That’s because they want to be better than you. They want to win and everything is a competition to them.
Dealing with narcissists can be hard work.
So, what do you do when you definitely have achieved more than the narcissist? Just try to act normal, don’t suck up to them. Be prepared for a mental onslaught if they do get their feathers ruffled.
9 | Try to get away from the narcissist
With narcissists, you have to get it right the first time around by having strong boundaries. That’s why it’s important to consider not having to deal with a narcissist.
If you are an empath or codependent type personality, you probably have a hard time with boundaries. Otherwise, you might have to find a way to get out of the whole situation. I know how hard that can be.
Sometimes separating with a narcissistic partner can be hard, especially if children are involved. If you decide to stay with a narcissist, create pockets of time away from them to recalibrate yourself. In fact, this time is absolutely necessary to get a breath of fresh air and some peace and quiet from your abuser.
However, most of the time, leaving the narcissist is vital. You have to go completely no-contact with such individuals in order to save your sorry mental state. You can read more about going no-contact with a narcissist here on my blog.
10 | Ignore the narcissist
Learning how to deal with a narcissist is essential because there is pretty much no winning with a narcissist.
You absolutely cannot come out the victor in any argument or fight with a narcissist. This is because they are sharp and conniving individuals who are built to defeat you with their egos.
They remember every bit of damning information you confided in them. They are capable of hitting you where it hurts the most.
Most of all, they love it. They love having a victim for their narcissistic abuse. They are in love with that rush of power that they feel while belittling you. They love to watch your squirming and discomfort.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to ignore them. Find that quiet happy place inside of you to rest while an onslaught of emotional abuse ensues.
WHEN DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO RESPOND AND NOT REACT. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BE STRONGER THAN THEM. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS.
That’s the thing: they want to trigger a reaction out of you and watch you turn red and sputter about, trying to save face.
Find a bunch of phrases that you will say when a narcissist begins pushing your buttons. Examples include:
‘Hmm, you have a sharp mind!’
‘Huh, you really do have sharp eyes.’
‘Wow, that’s a pretty accurate observation.’
Narcissists are the ultimate super-villain. They have some kind of sixth sense when it comes to what can drive you to the edge of insanity.
There is absolutely no winning. The only way is to practice keeping your cool. Remember, if you engage in a back and forth with a narcissist, they will make your head spin and turn your brain into a soup.
Meditation is absolutely vital for dealing with narcissists. This can help you to be chill most of the time and avoid getting played by a narcissist. They watch to watch you react like dangling a toy mouse to a cat.
You can survive the narcissist
I hope this post on how to deal with a narcissist has been helpful to you. Scroll down below and comment your thoughts on narcissism in the comments section.
Living with a narcissist is tough.
You have to constantly keep on your toes. You have to remind yourself that you are the victim in this dynamic. Any time you catch yourself feeling like the bad guy, please remember that you are the one suffering. It’s just that you are being insanely manipulated to the point where your reality has been tampered with.
You are under a narcissist’s spell. They get you hypnotized with their words.
Worry not, dear reader. You can always save yourself from a narcissist.
Narcissism E-Book, Guide to Dealing with A Narcissist In Your Life
I successfully defeated a narcissist in my life, and I continue to defeat one in my life every day. This e-book is a collection of posts and journal entries that I look back on to remind me that no matter what, I am worthy. I am deserving. If you need a guide to show you how to deal with that narcissist in your life, and are called to buy this book, click here.
YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP – A revolutionary mini-course on how to pick up the pieces of your life and detach from malicious narcissists.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- 6 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Conversations
- 7 Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back
- How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
- How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
- 3 Things a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know
- 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
- How I’m Dealing with My People Pleasing Behavior
- Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries
Helpful Books on Narcissism:
- Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi
- How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse by JH Simon
- Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse by Dana Morningstar
Thanks for mentioning that narcissists don’t feel guilt like most people do. I’m hoping that I can talk to a divorce lawyer sometime this week. My husband is a narcissist, and I want to get a divorce. I can’t handle him anymore, and I don’t want our kids to either.