Check out my e-book on narcissism: You Make Me Feel Like Crap HERE.
Getting into a relationship with a narcissist is not hot. It’s very difficult to get out of one, especially after all the trauma bonding and lovebombing. That leaves the question: What are the early signs of a narcissist? How can you tell if someone is a narcissist? What if your date is a toxic and manipulative narcissist?
How do you prevent before you cure? It is important to know the early signs of a narcissist before you get into a relationship or while you are dating people. That way, you can weed out red flags and carry on with dating healthy and safe people – and hopefully find the partner of your dreams!
In this article, let’s explore how you can pick out narcissistic traits early on so you can save time and avoid catching feelings for someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder aka NPD.
What are early signs of a narcissist?
The thing about narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that it is an actual mental health issue that cannot be diagnosed unless it is by a mental health professional. That makes it tricky to actually know about the early warning signs of a narcissist. Luckily there are many ways to tell if someone is a narcissist or not, or at the very least to determine if they are a manipulative and toxic person.
A narcissist is someone with a grandiose sense of self. They appear to have high notions about themselves and always want to get the best stuff out there. But the catch is that they are actually very insecure and want to appear to not seem empty and shallow and that’s why they pretend to act like what they think an actual human should be like, which, according to them, is a prideful arrogant person who is obsessed with themselves.
Here are some vital early signs of a narcissist:
1. Entitlement
It goes without saying that most people today can sniff out an entitled person. Therefore, it can be easy to sniff out this early warning sign of a narcissist. Unfortunately, some people will disregard it and continue to date a narcissist. Narcissists feel entitled to service, praise, and validation. They feel that people must live according to their rules.
Don’t forget that a narcissist’s feelings rule over everything. And since they feel they are the most important person in the world, they will expect things to go their way too. Narcissists will ask you to do acts of service for them super early into the relationship. You will be expected to cater to their whims like you don’t have a life of your own! Luckily, you can take a step back at this early stage and decide whether you want to indulge such a person any further.
2. Lack of empathy
Narcissists are entirely devoid of empathy and cannot see things from another person’s point of view. Their feelings and emotions are all that matter and they cannot and will not back down from having their needs and wants met. They will do whatever they can – especially manipulation and deceit, to get what they feel they deserve.
A narcissist’s emotions are what run the world – according to them at least. They experience intense emotions and will also act erratically. While the average person learns to accept others, a narcissist will want to control and subdue everyone else in their life.
3. Exploitation
As with a lot of toxic and manipulative people, narcissists are also very exploitative. It is a hallmark sign that a narcissist will ask you to go out of your way to do things for you just to test you, your limits, and your people pleasing behavior. Exploitation is not like regular asking for favors. It may look like them asking you to meet up with them for help, and they don’t turn up, and later, they don’t expect a conversation about their behavior.
Exploitation turns a lot of people off – but the codependent and insecure types will still stick around. This is how the narcissist establishes what kind of person you are. Exploitation is done on purpose – to test you, and to make you do work for the narcissist.
It is a component of entitlement that makes a narcissist exploit others. They believe that others should go out of their way to serve the narcissist. Narcissists want to dominate over others and establish their place at the top of the hierarchy. Exploitation is an early warning sign of narcissism – most people are careful about seeking favors from others – and the nature of the favor matters too.
What are the red flags of a narcissist?
One of the biggest red flags of a narcissist is that they tend to withhold love and attention. To be honest, it starts pretty early – but most people actually fall for this narcissistic tool without realizing that it is toxic and manipulative.
A narcissist starts off by lovebombing you. And you start to feel all loved up and high on oxytocin. Right when you begin to fall for the narcissist, they pull the rug out from under you. Now that they have you hooked like someone on heroin, they take your precious away from you without any reason or warning. Your immediate (and natural) thought is: I must have done something wrong. And that’s exactly what a narcissist wants you to think.
When you start putting the blame on yourself, you naturally think that the solution lies within you too. And that’s when the people pleasing (so to speak) starts. You begin to put in more effrot to get back your lovely supply of chemical (oxytocin.) Maybe if you try to be good you will get back the love that you lost because of what an idiot you have been!
How can you tell if a narcissist is in early stages of a relationship?
It may be challenging to out a narcissist during the early stages of a relationship. If their lovebombing technique was a success, you are probably already whipped and living in the honeymoon stage. Here, their flaws may not seem too bad. In fact, the narcissist may purposely put on their best behavior to ensure that you catch enough feelings to stay with them even after they begin to act psychotically.
However, some narcissists may slip up. They may act entitled and refuse to apologize for disregarding your timetable, your boundaries, or your needs. They may show a complete lack of empathy for you or others. They may lie to you. They may move too fast in the early stages of a relationship. Honestly, there are some red flags of a narcissist that are red flags in any partner.
The difference with narcissists is that they are sinister and may appear to be perfect initially, while hiding their true nature. Some narcissists have hidden agendas that are years in the making. Some have plans that involve trapping an unsuspecting person to be their partner and lifelong service provider, catering to their every need without having to reciprocate anything in return.
All narcissists are looking for their narcissist supply. They want to be treated like a god – to be waited on, and to throw their unsightly emotions on a punching bag. They want entertainment in the form of watching their partner be uncomfortable and try to defend themselves from the narcissist’s version of whatever gets them off. They love watching others squirm with their nonsensical questioning and they love watching others melt down after they have made them go crazy.
How does a narcissist show love?
Narcissist are actually capable of showing some semblance of love – if you can call it that. Most people nowadays will receive gifts and love and attention and call that love. While it’s true that someone who loves you will give you gifts, that doesn’t mean it’s love. I’ve been reading the book by David Hawkins called Letting Go. He says love is the feeling of oneness with the other person. And that what passes for love these days is actually attachment.
The most effective way to guarantee attachment? Lovebombing. Attachment is in essence a sense of being addicted to another person. You want to be with them all the time. You want to have a good relationship with them. To remain in good terms.
Does a narcissist show love? Or do they lovebomb you with the intention of creating an insincere attachment? They want something from you – they made their minds up about it, and they are going to get it from you no matter what it takes.
A lot of people are not aware of what healthy love looks like. They fall for narcissists and forgive their raging episodes and emotional or physical abuse. Healthy love is learned in childhood but if you did not get to experience that, then you may keep up with a narcissist’s antics. But here’s the thing – even the most healthy person may fall for a narcissist’s love.
Narcissists are capable of hiding their authentic self when it serves them. They may begin to reveal their true nature after sealing the deal with marriage or kids. I think though that at the end of the day, you have to be willing to fight for yourself no matter how hard it gets.
Check out my e-book on narcissism: You Make Me Feel Like Crap HERE.
Concluding Remarks
Narcissists are very capable of manufacturing their behavior towards others in order to trap them. This is why I never fault anyone for getting into a relationship with a narcissist. Anyone can fall for a narcissist’s trap – not just insecure or codependent people. Narcissists can lie and hide their true intentions for as long as it takes for them to get you good.
In this article, we have taken a look at some of the early warning signs of a narcissist. A lack of empathy is always a red flag of a narcissist. Couple that with a sense of entitlement and exploitation, and you should be packing your bags.
Leave a Comment!