How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist

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I’m excited to announce my new e-book on narcissism. Check it out here.

How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist — How to set boundaries with narcissists

I can teach you to learn how to set boundaries with narcissists. I’ve been through the hurricane that is an encounter with a narcissist. A bunch of times, actually. In addition to that, I have thwarted several narcissists and helped my friends and family to learn how to survive a narcissist.

Before we even get into who or what a narcissist is, you need to understand the reason why you have attracted a narcissist into your life. You might have a codependent type personality, which means for the most part that you are dependent upon something other than yourself for validation.

I think our culture today has us thinking that it’s okay to seek validation of our worth from other people or things. It’s okay to do that once in a while, but innately we must understand that we are enough. We matter.

(By culture, I mean movies, TV shows, and especially songs! Some of the songs out there today terrify me because they support a narcissistic-codependent-type love, or relationships. )

Young people end up growing up with this type of love as the norm. We seek validation from friends, partners, family, strangers on the internet—and expect everything to be great.

Being codependent on people’s approval, and constantly seeking validation makes you feel like it’s almost your sole responsibility to make other people like you. That’s not the case because there are people out there who will never appreciate you no matter what you do.

Also Read from here: How to Love Yourself First

The scary thing about narcissists is that they can sniff you out. They scan a crowd and look for the person who seems like the easiest target for their intention.

What are boundaries?

Physically speaking, a boundary is something that separates two different things from each other. Think of the boundaries between countries. They help to demarcate where one country ends and the other begins. Boundaries are pretty important because they help governments to properly do their job of administration.

Personal boundaries are certain things that you require people to respect, or else. Boundaries are also a form of having standards. Boundaries are very important in your life, because they help you to protect yourself from so many things, ranging from emotional to physical abuse. Failure to set boundaries can cause you to blow up at a tipping point.

A lack of boundaries is a sign of people pleasing and an absence of self love, self acceptance and self respect. Before we even get to that, do you even have a self? It was so shocking to me when I realized that I didn’t HAVE a self. I was trying to learn self-love yet I didn’t even have a self. This is why I didn’t have any standards with friends, partner and family. And it also helped people to take advantage of me. Yay.

Also Read from Here: Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries

DO YOU HAVE A SELF?

Are you a ghost floating around on earth, helping others and wishing the best for others while you wear old and worn clothes, eating food that’s gone bad and neglecting your health?

Start by appreciating the gift of life. The gift of YOUR life. I get that can be hard for SO many people out there, but try to put yourself first once in a while.

If you don’t have a self, you have to start from there. Allow yourself to have likes, wants, and needs. Allow yourself to be “selfish”. Allow yourself to put yourself first once in a while. Start being attuned to the things that you want and feel. Routinely ask yourself, “What do I want?” and “How do I feel?” This way, you can slowly learn to understand where you end and others begin.

Also Read from here: How to Trust Yourself More

DON’T LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO CALL YOU SELFISH FOR HAVING BOUNDARIES

Okay, so when you first start having boundaries, people are going to start noticing. And they don’t like that you aren’t a doormat anymore. You were the one who would do anything for free! They don’t want to lose that.

(Something I realized the hard way is that people can and will have evil intentions.)

They will start calling you selfish. The funny thing is, no one calls the real selfish people, selfish. Selfish people are just people who have boundaries!

DON’T TAKE OTHERS TOO SERIOUSLY

Being a codependent and not having a sense of self has got me doing the absolute crazy.

I take everything in life so seriously. I can almost never have fun without feeling sick to my guts. If someone ignores my message, I start thinking they never want to see my shadow ever again.

Everything is a bit intense. I started figuring that I was taking this life thing a bit too seriously. Loosen up, and don’t care about anyone other than yourself for a change! These days, I enjoy my own company so much, that if someone ignores my text message, it’s their loss!

Also Read from here: How to Pretend You’re Not Upset

LET THERE BE CONSEQUENCES

You can’t have boundaries with no consequences. That would make your boundaries pretty flimsy. If you are dating someone and really appreciate a good night text, you better make it known. If attention is a make or break factor, stick to it. There are so many men in the world to date! Seriously, though. Don’t be afraid to cut people off if they violate your boundaries.

LEARN TO BE ALONE. HEALTHILY.

Every human has a right to feel enough and worthy. It’s only because things get messed up in our childhood or along the way that we start wrongfully thinking lowly of ourselves. Being alone is great. That’s why cutting off boundary-violators should be easy, considering no one is really THAT important to you. More than yourself, that is. Learn that it is only healthy to be okay with being alone.

Setting boundaries can be tough when you don’t know where to begin. Lucky for you, you can have my tried and tested tools for setting boundaries, especially with narcissists.

Scroll down below to the comments and share with me your thoughts on setting boundaries. Do you have any particular strategies to use on a person who doesn’t respect boundaries? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you!

Check out my new e-book on narcissism: Click Here

More Helpful Posts on narcissism:

Helpful Books on Narcissism:

How Narcissists Manipulate Conversations

How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game

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