This article aims to provide tips on how to reduce anger. Please note that I am in no way claiming to be a mental health professional. As you will see in this article, this is just my anecdotal evidence and information from books on ways to relieve anger and stress.
This is going to be a very personal post. Why? Because anger is a problem I have struggled with for most of my life. It has caused a lot of fights among family and friends. But, I am insanely PROUD to announce that the way I deal with my anger makes me think I have truly conquered my anger for life right now.
This is a post on how to reduce anger. But it’s an incredibly personal look into my own journey to stop being angry. I used to LOVE being angry. It made me feel powerful.
Before we get started, let’s ask ourselves: What is anger?
What is anger?
The book Dark Psychology Secrets has this to say about anger:
“Anger is felt like a response to something wrong the individual or overstepping a boundary. It is meant to evoke protection to defensive behavior and conveys a deep need for a boundary to be respected or some distance to be given.”
Anger is huge, okay? But in its base form, it is just a way of flaring up when you are wronged or when a boundary has been overstepped.
You expected something, or you expected more from someone but they did not meet your expectations. So, you got angry.
You were treated wrongly, so you got angry.
I just want to bring your attention to this fact: if you are not being absolutely threatened with your life or something, there is no need to take action from your anger. In fact, anger and fights can be cooled down without any need for violence, and just some cool composure and awesome communication. It’s when emotions run high that anger gets a bit out of hand.
How to Stop Being Angry
Here are some of my top tips on how to reduce anger and frustration. These are literally tried and tested by me! And it has changed my life. So, if you would like to lower your temper, be sure to employ some of these tips into your daily life!
1. Change the way you emote
This is personal best way to control anger.
This is a little thing I understood only recently. I’m an extremely emotional person. At least that’s what I used to think. However, that is not the issue here. Being emotional is okay. The issue comes when the way you show your emotions is stopping you from having a proper conversation with people. Emotions don’t have to be dealt with immediately they show up! I know this is hard one, and to be honest, this is something I am still trying to nail down.
I tell myself that I don’t have to get angry and emotional right there when my boss is talking to me. In fact, there is no need to jump to conclusions or create judgements that are not even correct. (More on this as we keep reading.)
2. Learn proper communication
The book Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication is a book I read while I waited at the dentist’s. It helped me A LOT. I read the chapter called “how to raise an issue without starting a fight”, and this is one the most profound things I have read in my life:
“It’s natural to interpret and draw conclusions from our experience; it’s part of how we navigate life. Our brains continually evaluate, discerning safety from danger, friend from foe. Clear discernment is useful. Reactive, automatic, or habitual judgement is not. The problem is when we evaluate without awareness, mistaking our interpretations for reality. Conflating observations and evaluations creates stress internally and can wreak havoc in our relationships. We can interpret a single facial expression to mean anything, spinning an entire narrative of antagonism without even checking if we understood in the first place. The mind jumps so quickly from an event to an interpretation that we easily miss the fact that these are two separate things.”
The author recommends mindfulness, which is in essence keeping yourself free from distortion or bias. It means not taking a small thing and running away with it and adding your own spin on what you think.
You are not a mind reader; you don’t know what that person really thinks.
3. Take a huge chill pill
This point should have been the first thing you read. The only way you can stop being angry once and for all, is to calm the f*** down. Stop being so passionate and angry like a bull. I mean, RELAX. People like me, I have realized that working out every day is essential. I have a lot of energy inside me, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to blow up like a pufferfish and start FIGHTING for my life.
Stop being on high alert all the time! Our emotions are things that have been evolving and refining themselves so that we as humans can be protected from the wild animals and what have you. They are great for the jungle, but you need to calm down if there is no imminent threat near you.
Stop being so angry! Just stop choosing to spit fire whenever you are provoked. Make the freaking decision to calm the frick down and stop blowing up at the slightest. Reduce your anger levels.
4. Remember that you can’t control anybody
How to reduce anger in the moment? Remember that you can’t control anybody!
This is something that saved my life. I always wondered why people would treat me badly. But then one day it hit me: It is not my fault how someone treats me. If you choose to treat me badly, then that’s on you. You don’t just see someone and decide Oh hell yeah, I’m going to treat this person like dirt! I mean, some people do that, but that is nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Avoid jumping to conclusions
This is also something that really helped me to reduce angry feelings. If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic sport, I’d have several gold medals. Jumping to conclusions is a huge issue for me. I have this problem where I think I have magical powers and I can tell what other people are thinking. I live in a fantasy world where that is possible.
Stop jumping to conclusions! You do not know the truth; you are only making it up. If no one told you explicitly how they feel, then you do not know. It’s as simple as that. You think too much, that’s why you get angry a lot.
5. Avoid being defensive
Arguments don’t have to be won.
In essence, an argument is a situation where someone is trying (and maybe failing) to make their needs known. The way they are doing it might push on your buttons, but the whole point of an argument is that someone was trying to communicate their needs.
The first step to avoid showing your anger is to avoid being defensive. Don’t try to prove yourself in the midst of a heated argument. Don’t bring up old wounds during a heated fight. If you want to talk to someone about something, start with a compliment, and use a calm tone.
6. Stop living up to other’s expectations
This is the reason I get angry every single day. Because I want to be good enough, but the people around me don’t think that I am. I keep trying so hard but it’s like my efforts land on dry land. That’s when I realized: It makes no sense to live up to other people’s expectations.
I don’t have to be good enough! I don’t have to be right, or good. I don’t have to work hard to be seen as a great person. I can just be me, and I won’t even have to use my energy trying to water dead seeds or whatever.
Summary – Tips to reduce anger
- Learn to emote healthily
- Learn proper communication
- Stay calm (take a chill pill)
- Remember that you can’t control anybody
- Avoid jumping to conclusions
- Avoid being defensive
- Stop living up to other’s expectations
Stop Being Angry
I hope this article helps you to figure out how to stop being angry. These tips are from a seasoned emotional and angry person! Haha. I hope you use these good ways to relieve anger in your life too.
Consider leaving a comment! It would make my day.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- How to Stop Being Mad at Your Significant Other
- How to Stop Being an Angry Parent
- How to Stop Being Angry and Depressed
- How to Stop Being Angry for No Reason