I’m writing this post today because I realized that what I truly need when I’m upset is to have my feelings validated. And in order to do that for myself, I need to learn how to validate someone else’s feelings.
A few days ago, I was really upset. I mean, I get upset a lot, but this time it was different. I was sharing with a friend what I was feeling, and I don’t think they handled it well, because I ended up feeling worse. I don’t blame them though, they did their best.
We both moved on from that situation. However, a few days later, I was listening to my favorite youtuber Kyle Cease, in his video Allowed to Feel Unloved.
While I shared in on the journey as the gentleman in the video unearthed his true feelings, I was having my own realizations.
What I truly needed was to feel like my emotions were in a safe place, seen and heard.
I usually feel like I’m wrong, and that my emotions need to feel like they are real and true. I’m used to the people around me always dismissing me and my feelings, and I do it to myself, too.
I imagined that I was being held in a warm hug, and someone was there to tell me that my emotions were real and true and right. When I figured this out, it’s like a puzzle piece had finally clicked into place.
With that, I realized that I can do that for myself from now on: I could imagine that hug and that voice telling me that my emotions are true.
However, sometimes, like that day I got really upset, I need external help to help me to cope. That is why today I am going to talk about how to validate someone’s feelings.
These are some things to keep in mind when you want to validate someone’s feelings. Here are some phrases to tell someone in order to validate their feelings.
I see you, I hear you
Whenever my emotions pour out of me, I find it hard to validate myself. That’s why I turn to friends and family. When I do that, what I need is to feel seen and heard.
As much as I work hard on controlling my emotions, sometimes it gets hard. I’m someone who grew up not feeling seen and heard. I always feel like my emotions are wrong. I feel wrong sometimes.
That is why I would love it if someone just made me feel right.
I’m here for you
I want someone to hold that space for me; to tell me that it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling.
That’s why I want somebody to tell me that they are right next to me. Even if you cant do anything for me, just show me that you are there for me.
Avoid the following when you want to validate someone’s feelings:
Dismissing their feelings
Oof, this is one that really hurts. I feel like a lot of people actually think they are helping, but it’s kind of painful when someone tells you to stop crying and be grateful instead.
There is a term called “hoovering”. It is tactic used by abusive people to completely dismiss a victim’s thoughts and feelings. They tell you that you are not right in feeling that way.
It really does the opposite of validating someone.
Here are some things you can say instead:
“It’s understandable that you are feeling this way.”
“Anyone in your situation would feel the same.”
When someone comes to you for emotional help, I promise you that they don’t want any unsolicited advice. They just don’t. So, avoid telling them what YOU think about the situation. You can encourage them that things will be alright soon, but don’t give them your opinions on how they should feel or what they should do.
That was it for how to validate someone. I hope you use thee tips the next time that your friend or family member comes to you for comfort. If you benefited from this post, be sure to leave a comment down below.