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If you have ever had to deal with a narcissist, you know that arguments are frequent. This post will help you learn how to win an argument with a narcissist.
Narcissists LOVE arguing with you. That’s just how they are. They love it. They love seeing your reactions and they enjoy hearing their own voices. It’s almost always pointless arguments with no real outcome. All they care about is that they are always right.
Narcissists will never let you win. If you ever try to stand up for yourself and express your wants and needs, they will blow the whole thing up and make it about themselves. That being said, what is the right way to win an argument with a narcissist? What is the right way to get your feelings expressed?
You can also read about How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap here on Cognitive Heights. Meanwhile, let’s get into these 8 approaches on how to win an argument with a narcissist.
How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
1 | You have the advantage of being in on their deception
First of all, in all this chaos, you do have an advantage over them. That’s because you know what is going on inside their heads. You know that they have a personality disorder. You know what they are doing to you. That means it is important for you to be mindful of your responses. Don’t feed their narcissism tank by reacting how they are expecting you to.
When you become aware of what is going on, you will stop yourself from being baited into a narcissist’s games. PS: Narcissists HATE when you call them out on their “games”. My father went ballistic after my sister accused him of playing games!
2 | Arguments are a dopamine rush for narcissists
The main point to note here is that a narcissist’s main objective is CONTROL. They have to always remain in control; on top. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want. These people know exactly what they are doing.
Narcissists love manipulating people in order to get what they want. They will give you ultimatums, or blame you for not taking care of them, they accuse you of cheating, lie about being sick, they will stop at nothing to pull you under.
One part where everyone always messes up is thinking that an argument with a narcissist is about getting your point across. It’s not. Narcissists just want to emerge as the winner of the argument. They don’t care about what you have to say. They will lie and manipulate, just to come out as the victor. They love it. It’s like a game to them. This is an important point to note when learning how to win an argument with a narcissist.
3 | Narcissists lack empathy
The other thing to be aware of when dealing with narcissists is that they absolutely lack any empathy. They are not afraid to hurt you in arguments. When I argue with anyone who lacks empathy, I’ll say something hurtful but immediately apologize and feel bad. The thing with narcissists? They don’t feel that.
The victim of narcissistic abuse just keeps hoping for understanding from the narcissist. They try to say things a certain way, keep changing up the wording, hoping for some understanding and recognition of their feelings. They keep waiting for the day that the narcissist will give them the validation they seek.
4 | They don’t want to understand your points or accept them
Narcissists don’t want to understand you. They are not interested in your point of view. They don’t care. They don’t want to even try to see what you are saying. All they care about is their opinion. You need to be aware of this when learning how to win an argument with a narcissist.
Something else that is in the narcissist’s skillset? Dismissal. If you ever come up with your essay of feelings to them, they will point-blank cut you off, or tell you to shut up and leave. They don’t respect anyone but themselves.
5 | Narcissists want to make you feel inferior
In order to learn how to win an argument with a narcissist, you need to understand how they work. Narcissists always want to keep you feeling inferior. They will always ask you questions that have no direct answer. They don’t want those answers. They don’t want you to explain yourself. They just want to release their cutting barbs onto you. They will ask you things like, why did you leave the lights on? You’re so stupid. You’re an idiot. You are not competent. Why do you look like that, or why do you talk like that?
6 | Do not engage in nonsensical arguments
How do you win an argument with a narcissist? You need to be aware of topics that have no sense. Narcissists want to watch you squirm. That’s why you have to look closely at the argument and determine if it’s worth your time. Sometimes narcissists want to prod you into replying and defending yourself. They will lie and twist things about you. They will accuse you of being mean to them. They will rile you up and make you pick up a defensive line of argument.
That’s why you have to be aware of the nature of the argument. You have to be aware of the kind of person you are dealing with. They want to rile you up. You need to learn to stay away from the fights that make no sense.
7 | Know when to make a stand
Number #7 on how to win an argument with a narcissist: Stand up for yourself when it truly matters. There are arguments where you need to make your stand. These can be things such as, money, family duties, parenting, and these require you to state your point in a neutral manner. That won’t be the end of the argument, though. They will continue by repeating their points and insisting that you have failed as a person. They will keep ramming into you, trying to pick a huge fight.
Keep stating your point, and try not to say any other things, because that gives them ammunition to drill into you, and hit you from any and all angles of attack.
8 | Avoid confrontation during lies and smear campaigns
Finally, on how to win an argument with a narcissist. This may sound counter-productive but hear me out: there is almost never winning an argument with a narcissist. I get that most of us can’t stand our integrity being threatened, but you need to learn that narcissists are not normal people.
Narcissists make up lies to get you enraged. They slander you and create smear campaigns to discredit you in front of others. This makes you confront them about their antics and how they are blatantly LYING. They enjoy bringing you to them like a puppy on a leash or a fish on bait. See, narcissists don’t care that they are lying. That’s just how they like it. Remember that the person who wins is the one who maintains their inner peace by not engaging in a narcissist’s taunt.
Win The Argument
You need to sit down with yourself, and understand that the winner is the one who let’s go of the narcissist’s bait to keep slamming you down. You need to put some new mindsets into place. Letting go can be a lifesaver, especially if you allow yourself to consciously feel what you are going through, before deciding to release the negativity from your being.
Check out my new e-book on narcissism: Click Here
While you’re here, check out these posts about narcissism:
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
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