Narcissists are always playing mind games. They are cunning, and villainous. They want to trap you. Yes, they are playing the long con. Watch out for these 10 mind games played by narcissists.
Narcissists are masters at playing mind games. Mind games are basically elaborate plans to manipulate unsuspecting people into being servants or emotional punching bags. Why are narcissists this way? You ask. They have a personality disorder, and they are not normal people.
They will do whatever it takes to get their narcissistic supply of abusing others and being in control. They love it. They love torturing poor souls in order to feel like they are on top of the world.
The age-old definition of narcissism is someone who puts themselves above others. While it is okay to prioritize yourself, these narcissists take it to another level and make it their goal to torture others.
NARCISSISTS PLAY MIND GAMES BECAUSE THEY NEED TO MANIPULATE YOU. MIND GAMES ARE WAYS TO GET YOU TO LOWER YOUR GUARD. THEY ARE PLAYING THE LONG CON, AND THEY WANT TO TRAP YOU.
I always advocate having boundaries and having a strong sense of self. That is the only way to protect yourself from a narcissist. These qualities will help you to spot red flags and save yourself from narcissistic abuse. That is why this post on 10 mind game played by narcissists is very important. It is important for you to study and understand other people’s minds, in order to learn where you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Also Read from here: How to Trust Yourself More
These mind games played by narcissists are examples of red flags that you must look for in others in order to save yourself from being targeted. Without further ado, let’s get into the 10 mind games played by narcissists.
Don’t forget to grab my new e-book on Narcissism from HERE.
10 Mind Games Played by Narcissists
Here are just a few examples of the words, phrases and concepts used by narcissists as mind games played by narcissists to control you:
1 | Narcissists will find out your weak spots
What must be said at the start of every narcissist related post is that the narcissist wants to know if you are the ideal victim. Do you have boundaries? Will you let their red flags slide? Are you the perfect push over for their plans to dominate another soul? Are you weak enough to be used and abused by a narcissist?
YOUR WEAKSPOTS ARE GOLD MINES TO NARCISSISTS. THEY WILL TEST YOU TO FIND OUT IF YOU HAVE A STRONG MIND. THEY WILL TEST YOUR BOUNDARIES FOR LOOSE BRICKS. THIS IS THE FIRST MIND GAME PLAYED BY NARCISSISTS.
Also Read from here: How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
Finding out your weak spots is the narcissist’s number one priority and the first mind game they will play on you. Of course, if you have boundaries and are strong enough to value yourself, this mind game might be the last for you.
2 | Mind games: “You can trust me,” says the narcissist
After you have passed (more like failed) the first mind game, the narcissist moves on to their next course of action. They will work to build your trust. This mind game is a tricky one because it can span a number of months or years, and many people fall for this one. A narcissist will do whatever they can to make you think they are amazing. They will wow your friends and family with their awesomeness. Everybody begins to trust them.
They ask about your wants and desires. They can ask you questions like, “What’s your ideal spouse like?”
This is so they can learn to mimic what you tell them and be the perfect angelic human for you. Of course, the are playing the long con, and soon they will begin to reveal their true colors, like in point #4 below.
3 | I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to
This is something I will never forget because this is what a narcissist said to me to gain my trust. In my naivety, I thought that this was something only a good person could say. Constant reassurance about never doing things they actually want to do to you, makes you lower your guard.
Also Read from here: How to Achieve Self Confidence
AMONG THE MIND GAMES PLAYED BY NARCISSISTS IS TO EXTRACT ENOUGH INFORMATION FROM YOU TO LEARN HOW YOUR MIND FUNCTIONS. WHEN YOU TELL THEM ALL THE THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO DO, OR THE THINGS YOU HATE, THEY WILL MIMICK AGREEING WITH YOU AND ELUCIDATE THAT YOU ARE BOTH SO WELL-SUITED TO EACH OTHER!
Narcissists love to say exactly the things you want to hear. Of course, they figured all this out when they got to know you, after discretely getting information about you under the guise of getting to know you.
4 | Narcissists will act like victims as a mind game
This is another mind game played by narcissists.
Narcissists love to play mind games that trick people. That’s why they like being victims.
They want to be the blameless one. Narcissists are incapable of self-reflection. They can never fathom themselves to be the bad guy, or to have flaws.
Narcissists will always blame others or project their bad behavior on to others. To them, they can never be bad, and if they are called out on it, it means it’s the other person who is lying.
One other point to know is that narcissists will never accept you as the victim. Narcissists can never allow you to believe that you are suffering. Only they are allowed to be in pain and to be cared for.
They want to be treated like loyalty all the time, and crying like a victim will always make them get special treatment. That’s because a lot of us actually respond to people who are suffering. We want to make the narcissist feel better after they break down in front of us and cry. Honestly, sometimes they are being a victim over something that is so unnecessary. But hey, if it works, then they use it.
Also Read from here: How to Recognize The Signs of An Abusive Man
5 | Narcissists will make you live by rules | Narcissist mind games
Here is a mind game played by narcissists that often goes unnoticed, but deserves a mention in this list.
Living with a narcissist means there is going to be strict set of rules you are going to have to live by. There is no negotiating these rules, because that is the final word of the narcissist. They will expect you to abide by their rules, and if you don’t, it will cause more problems for you that you might not like, for example, passive aggressive treatment, stone-walling, anger bursts, frustration, silent treatment, and the like.
THIS MIND GAME IS WHAT CAUSES VICTIMS OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE TO ALWAYS WALK ON EGG SHELLS. YOU KNOW THAT BRINGING UP A NARCISSIST’S BAD BEHAVIORS CAN EXPLODE INTO AN ARGUMENT, SO YOU ARE RESIGNED TO LIVING A SHADOW OF A LIFE, ONE RULED BY STRICT RULES.
This will make the person think twice before disobeying the orders. An example of this could be that the narcissist does not allow you to talk to your family, or they don’t want shoes in the kitchen, they don’t want you to eat something they don’t like, they don’t want you to get up in the middle of the night. These are the incredulous examples of ways narcissists control you.
6 | Narcissists will instill fear in you | Narcissist Mind Game
A lot of people kind of know that if they talked to a narcissist, they would be attacked by anger, frustration and maybe even physical altercations by a narcissist.
This is why they just let many things slide.
Narcissist put them victims under some sort of fear whereby they wouldn’t want to upset and trigger the narcissist into an episode of verbal lashing. Narcissistic abuse victims become demure and meek for fear of creating more problems if they bring things up. This is kind of a common mind game played by people who like control, and among these is a narcissist.
Also Read from here: Self Care Tips for When You Feel Overwhelmed
7 | Narcissists will isolate you
Another mind game played by narcissists is isolation.
Narcissists want you all to themselves. That’s why they will make sure to refuse you from meeting your loved ones. Or, they will leave comments that make you distance yourself from friends and family. They want to be your only source of emotional support, and they want to abuse that.
Narcissists like it when you are isolated from others, so that they can get away with being evil to you. When you begin to speak up about their injustices to you, no one will believe you because the narcissist has turned everyone against you.
Also Read from here: How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship
8 | Narcissists will sabotage you | Narcissist Mind Game
This mind game played by narcissists is designed to attack your self esteem.
Narcissists love to make you feel inferior. They want to break your mind and make you weak enough to be tethered to them for your emotional support. Every time you express something amazing you did, they will try to bring you down, and remove the spotlight from you. That’s because narcissists always want to be on the spotlight. They want to be bathed in the golden light. They always want to outshine others.
Also Read from here: How to Pretend You’re Not Upset
9 | Narcissists will find your flaws | Narcissist Mind Game
Narcissists need ammunition to hit you in your lowest moments.
They will do their best to make you trust them enough to reveal your darkest secrets. They love it. They love to know what haunts you.
When you least expect it, they will use it to tear you down and obliterate your self-esteem. They will launch it against you when you’re in an argument with them. They will break your resolve and make you weak.
Also Read from here: How to Regain Your Self Esteem
10 | Narcissists will provoke you | Narcissist Mind Game
The last mind game played by narcissists in this list is that they will provoke you like a cat jabbing at a little mouse.
Narcissists love to watch you squirm. It’s part of their personality. It’s called enjoying narcissistic supply. They love to feed off the energy you produce when you get frustrated and mad. They love it, they relish it. It makes them refreshed to see how they affect you. They will smile while you cry. Their eyes will shine while you smash your fists on the wall.
This is their favorite game, actually. After they trap you in their web, they like to play with your emotional state, and watch you struggle to defend yourself.
Also Read from here: How to Control a Mental Breakdown
Narcissist Mind Games have some loopholes – You can survive
Like every game, you can beat the mind games played by narcissists. The single most important weapon in this war against narcissists is to be wholly secure of yourself, to have strong boundaries so that they narcissist does not shake you down.
MOST PEOPLE WITH A DECENT AMOUNT OF SELF-RELIANCE ARE NO MATCH FOR A NARCISSIST. IF YOU FOCUS ON IMPROVING YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND SELF WORTH, YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO AVOIDING SO MANY PITFALLS OF LIFE, WHILE ENJOYING SOME GREAT OPPORTUNITES AND SUCCESSES!
If you are on a self-growth journey, you should be assured in yourself. A narcissist is no match for you. You must love and value yourself enough to be your own priority in life.
This means that you won’t be a victim to these 10 mind games played by a narcissist.
Narcissism E-Book, Guide to Dealing with A Narcissist In Your Life
I successfully defeated a narcissist in my life, and I continue to defeat one in my life every day. This e-book is a collection of posts and journal entries that I look back on to remind me that no matter what, I am worthy. I am deserving. If you need a guide to show you how to deal with that narcissist in your life, and are called to buy this book, click here.
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Scroll down below and share with me your experiences with mind games someone has played on you, or your encounter with a narcissist. I’d love to hear from you.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- 10 Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissist
- 6 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Conversations
- 7 Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back
- How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
- How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
- 3 Things a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know
- 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
- How I’m Dealing with My People Pleasing Behavior
- Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries
Helpful Books on Narcissism:
- Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi
- How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse by JH Simon
- Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse by Dana Morningstar
I remember when it first hit me – that I was becoming more and more isolated. Old friends…family members…they were aghast, couldn’t believe what I was subjecting myself to, and he’d comfort me, declaring those people unwelcome. I was too anxious to get involved in situations where I’d be interrogated, accused or given an ultimatum for spending time with friends, so I stayed away, waiting at home for him instead. My own children became criticism targets, even calling one “an animal” for disliking him. Further and further into an isolated corner…and then the Dumps began. All alone, begging him to come back, to talk to me…to see me. I’ll never go through that again. He was my only “lifeline,” as warped as the reality screamed otherwise.
Kathleen,
Narcissists are amazing at isolating their victims from other people. There are so many reasons why they do that, but I’m very sure of these two:
1. They hate it if there are two people in their vicinity talking, and they are not a part of the conversation.
2. They think the 2 people are talking about the narcissist and all their evil exploits.
Take heart, because narcissists are master manipulators. This person groomed you into the perfect toy for his machinations. Even when you want to blame yourself and take full responsibility for what you did, just don’t. You are not at fault for morphing into the type of person that he wanted you to be. This is a result of grooming.
Narcissists always want someone to be doting on their every command. They want you to anticipate their needs at every turn and corner. You get so used to servicing them that you lose your sense of identity.
Narcissists are so sick that when you ignore them, they make it your fault. They want you to come back and be good to them, when they are the evil one. How does this make sense: I was bad to you, so come back and be nice to me. It’s so twisted.
It’s time for us to take up our power and reclaim our sense of identity that narcissists stole from us.
Great article!
My narcissist took everything from me over 12 years. My house, my job, my car, my children, my self confidence. He continues to do his utmost to hurt me and break me even though we are in the middle of a divorce and living separately for 5 months now.
He lied to me about soooo many things. My gut told me he felt he was always better and more important than me and yet when I’d ask him straight out, he would of course deny it and and tell me I was just so lacking in self confidence, what was my problem? Because the problem was always mine, each and every time. When we separated, he changed his mind 11 times in 6 months and each time had me considering coming back. Until the day he told me he had cheated on me with a young trainee we worked with, under my nose. I had also suspected this and asked him several times but he always told me I was just jealous or imagining things, he was only helping out this poor young girl, had I no heart?!
I ended up with zero friends of my own (not up to his standards), the only people we ever saw were his family who hold him on a pedestal and the conversation was always all about him.
Nothing I did was ever enough.
He still tries to hurt me. He is really very stubborn in that department. Lies to our children about me, but even they are now coping on to him.
I was devastated at first and thought that my life was over. Now, I see my life is just beginning. I am out of the spiders web and I look forward to finding myself a little bit more every day.
I am still shocked that he was such a narcissist and I never spotted it.
But now I am standing up to him and he does not like it one bit.
C