Learn how to spot a narcissist and the top 3 red flags of a potential narcissist. These are tools you can use to be conscious around new friends or dates who might turn out to be narcissists. Keep reading for my take on dealing with a narcissist.
Narcissists are as evil as they get. However, you need to look within and figure out whether you are you might be the kind of person that attracts a narcissist. Are you the perfect victim for a narcissist?
IF YOU ARE AN EMPATH, OR HAVE A CODEPENDENT PERSONALITY TYPE, YOU MIGHT IGNORE RED FLAGS. THAT’S NO FAULT OF YOURS, OF COURSE. HOWEVER, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SPOT A NARCISSIST AND THEIR TOP 3 RED FLAGS.
Also Read from here: 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
Some of us are trained to be “good” kids. It’s hard to know what having your feelings validated means when your parents didn’t do that for you. The people most likely to be targeted by narcissists are people who barely have any boundaries, and cannot speak up for what they want.
In fact, it’s not just narcissists who take advantage of such people. Empaths and codependents are easily manipulated by sly individuals.
People Affected by Narcissists
I find it crazy that parents think they are raising dutiful, respectful children when they are actually raising children who can’t stand up for themselves. People like me, I was never told to accept and validate my own feelings.
I just had to lie about my emotions because I thought they were wrong. I was brought up to serve other people’s needs above my own. I was taught to be selfless and go above and beyond for others. I feel like I missed out on a lot of important lessons, and now I have to re-parent myself in my 20’s.
AS YOU CAN SEE, I’M A BIT PEEVED THAT I TURNED OUT TO BE A NARCISSIST MAGNET. AS MUCH AS IT’S GOOD TO KNOW IT’S BECAUSE I WAS BROUGHT UP THAT WAY, IT’S NOW UP TO ME TO BE AWARE AND LEARN HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST AND ANY RED FLAGS OF A POTENTIAL NARCISSIST.
Why does your upbringing matter when it comes to spotting a narcissist? It matters a lot, because you won’t even be able to spot one if you are such a people-pleaser! My programming led me to be so good to everyone, to the point where I let people take advantage of me to a very bad extent.
I ended up attracting a narcissist into my life, because I am such a person. Which narcissist doesn’t love free love, attention, validation and benefits from someone who wants to give it all for free? Such a person is clearly a push-over.
Now, let’s move on to the top 3 red flags of a narcissist, in other words, how to spot a narcissist.
Also Read from here: How to be Happier in Life
Top 3 Red Flags of a Narcissist
I’m gonna state it right here and now: there are so many red flags to watch out for when trying to spot a narcissist. Something else: If you were manipulated by a narcissist, it’s not your fault. Narcissists are cunning and unrelentless. All we can hope for is to be better prepared. Here are the top 3 red flags of a potential narcissist, or how to spot one.
1 | With-holding love and attention on purpose
Love and attention. Narcissists know that you want those things. They also know that with-holding it makes you addicted, like a drug. The better analogy is that of a gambler and a casino. You don’t always win, but you love that rush you get when you do. That’s why they are so addictive.
Also Read from here: How to Recognize The Signs of An Abusive Man
Narcissists are skilled in hunting their prey. They are going to sniff out the kind of people who are definitely looking for that love and validation. The women who seem to have no friends, the men who are lonely. They are cunning and cruel enough to target the people who are going to be easy victims. The ones who will never speak up against the injustices they commit to you.
WE NEED TO FOCUS ON SHOWING UP FOR OURSELVES, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WE NEED TO REACH A STATE WHERE WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO LOSE ANYONE. DON’T BE DESPERATE FOR LOVE, SO MUCH SO THAT YOU FAIL TO SPOT A NARCISSIST.
In order to avoid attracting narcissists, you need to focus on bettering yourself. Focus on not feeling incomplete. Your life depends on it. If you don’t want a narcissist to enter your life and groom you into a life of abuse, you need to love yourself above all others. The grooming is the worst part, take it from me.
Also Read from here: How to Learn to Love Yourself
2 | Saying they know what you think
Number #2 on how to spot a narcissist and the top 3 red flags of a potential narcissist: Apparently, they are mind readers.
Once a narcissist has figured out the type of person you are, they will now know that you only hold others’ opinions above your own. They will begin telling you how to think. They will tell you lies about yourself. (That shouldn’t even be possible, because only you know yourself!) Narcissists will poison your mind.
Also Read from here: How to Trust Yourself More
That’s not all. A narcissist will always tell you that they know what you are thinking. Phrases like, “I know what you’re thinking”, or “I know how you feel”, “I know why you did that”. No one knows how anyone feels, but a narcissist will tell you how to feel. I would believe that kind of thing because I’m very gullible and impressionable. My parents made me this way and released me to the world. They didn’t know they were setting me up for failure. I wouldn’t know what to feel until someone tells me.
WHEN SOMEONE APPEARS TO BE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES THAT THEY SAY THEY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, THAT MIGHT BE A POTENTIAL NARCISSIST. THEY HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE THEIR WORD OVER YOUR OWN. THAT’S HOW THEY BEGIN TO MANIPULATE YOU.
3 | You are their punching bag
How to spot a narcissist and the top 3 red flags of a potential narcissist: Inflicting pain – whether emotional or physical.
Narcissists love hurting others. While researching about narcissism, I learnt about the tools they use on their victims.
I decided to try hurting them by using their own tools. However, I was so bad at it. Narcissists have got the whole thing down. I don’t know how they come up with words that hurt in such a short space of time.
Also Read from here: 10 Mind Games Played by Narcissists
Narcissists absolutely adore saying prickly, mean and hurtful things. I don’t know why they do it, or why it’s so easy for them to hurt others. Even when it is not needed, they will find a way to call you out on something simple! I don’t know how they do it. However, I know they do it to see your reaction to them. You are like a toy to them and they want to watch you and see what makes you tick.
NARCISSISTS ARE LIKE THE LAZY CAT, PLAYING WITH A MOUSE. THEY GRAB THE MOUSE’S TAIL AND WATCH AS IT RUNS WITHOUT GETTING ANYWHERE. THEY LOVE TO PLAY AROUND WITH PEOPLE’S FEELINGS. IT GIVES THEM NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY. THEY LOVE TO WATCH OTHERS FUMBLE AND SPUTTER TO DEFEND THEMSELVES. THAT IS WHY YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST AND THE RED FLAGS OF A POTENTIAL NARCISSIST.
Red Flags of Narcissists need to be taken seriously
There is no need for people who deserve love to be sucked into a narcissistic trap. That is why you need to guard your heart. You need to allow only the best people into your life. One red flag is one too many. Please protect yourself from a narcissist. Observe any new friends for these 3 red flags and cut them off as soon as you can.
If you benefited from How to Spot a Narcissist and the top 3 Red flags of a Potential Narcissist, that’s awesome! If you have any more tips to share with me about the red flags of potential narcissists, scroll down to the comments, and post them.
Hi! Before you leave, I wanted to announce my e-book on Narcissism which you can get here. It is called “You Make Me Feel Like Crap”. Here’s a pic of the cover, too. Please consider checking it out.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- 10 Mind Games Played by Narcissists
- 10 Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissist
- 6 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Conversations
- 7 Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back
- How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
- How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
- 3 Things a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know
- 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
- How I’m Dealing with My People Pleasing Behavior
- Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries
Helpful Books on Narcissism:
- Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi
- How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse by JH Simon
- Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse by Dana Morningstar