#1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist

I’m excited to announce my new e-book on Narcissism. Check it out here.

Treading narcissist territory is hard work.

In order to really preserve your mental well-being, you have to understand that a narcissist does not like being wrong. Their number one priority is to be right, and to enjoy being the only one who is right.

The number one thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist is to stop trying to prove your point in front of them. Narcissists want everyone to make them feel good. The moment you try to take away their spotlight by suggesting they are wrong and you are right, you might trigger them into taking some steps to harm you.

The narcissist’s ego is usually blown unusually out of proportion. When you disagree and argue with them, they begin to feel threatened.

Narcissists like to be pampered and cared for after making out to be a victim. In fact, many narcissists come prepared with a sob-story.

Narcissists are always looking to suck energy from others. They will almost always be in for the long con. Narcissists will start out as charming people. In fact, they will manipulate you by asking you questions about what you like. For example, “”What is your ideal man like? When you begin listing down all your desired attributes in a partner, they are taking notes. They will begin to treat you exactly how you like. Soon you will be smitten. Yet, the narcissist is actually baiting you into life-long servitude.

Narcissists like to exploit other people. I suppose I have always been a bit naïve when it comes to people, but I can never imagine another human being malicious and evil for their own gain. Enter the narcissist. The thing is, if you are precious unsuspecting soul, all the better for them. In fact, you will never suspect them of a thing! You will always forgive their short comings. (Read as: RED FLAGS)

The age-old definition of a narcissist is basically someone who undeniably full of themselves. How will they cater to their every whim if it not through another unsuspecting soul? They exploit people for their own pleasure.

Furthermore, narcissism is about dominance. Narcissists want to be on the podium, being showered with attention. If you don’t give them that after they have sucked you into their narcissistic abuse cycle, things can get scary. They are capable of using physical and emotional aggression to get you into obeying them.

This is why it is important to never argue for yourself against a narcissist.

Narcissists make up the biggest and most available form of dating horror stories. The sad part about this whole dynamic is that the kind of people that narcissists attract are usually the ones who deserve it the least.

Empathic and codependent personalities have a way of attracting narcissists. In fact, narcissists have a very trained eye for spotting such kind and nurturing souls. Actually, narcissists also like people with low self-esteem and the insecure types. This is because it is very easy to reel them in like a worm to a fish.

Ever heard of love bombing? This is a tactic used by a narcissist to reel in an unsuspecting soul. They will make you feel like the most special person on this earth. This is a form of manipulation. They will profess undying love and manipulate you into falling in love with them. Be aware, narcissists know exactly what they are doing, and they are most probably LYING to you. They know exactly what it is that they want.

SO, what is it that narcissists want from us? Free things. A free punching bag for physical and emotional aggression. Free love, care and attention. Free food, free place to stay, free sexual favors, you name it.

You must know that your intentions and wants for the relationship are not the same as theirs, and they will never listen to your pleas to fix the relationship. 

This is all scary. How do you stay away from a narcissist? That, my dears, is a very difficult thing for a lot of us. The most important defense against a narcissist is to have a very strong sense of self, with the ability to set in place some good boundaries.  

While I was trying to enrich my sense of self, I tried to stay away from getting to know new people deeply. I had to turn down dates, because I knew that I was no match for a cunning narcissist. I recognized how weak I was, and decided to lay low while I figured things out.

The most important revelation to me was that I had no sense of self. I had no ego, and I was not working for myself. You could say I even loathed myself. I failed to realize that I am pretty special and important. I was given a unique set of skills and attributes that make me me. I’t’’s hard to start celebrating your existence when it’s literally programmed into your brain how much you are not worthy.

The good news is that it can be done. As an adult, you can take the conscious decision to rewire your childhood programming into a new and improved adult version. We need to work for ourselves. We need to work towards our ideal self. We need to work FOR ourselves. Negative self-talk takes you NOWHERE. I know it’s the norm in your brain but take a chance and work with yourself for once.

Check out my new e-book on narcissism: Click Here

Xoxo,

Aza