How do you shut down a narcissist? Arguments with a narcissist are about as rare as seeing people on the street. So, not very rare at all. Let’s just start with the fact that arguing with a narcissist is not at the top of my list of things to do. I hate arguing with narcissists. That’s because:
- You NEVER win with a narcissist
- If you argue, you’re going to be disturbed the whole day
- You might get really angry and give them ammunition
The best policy when an argument with a narcissist begins is to stay calm and composed. Detach yourself from the moment and the person. My favorite affirmation for dealing with narcissists is: I am incapable of feeling any emotion when I’m with this person/monster/demon.
I’m someone who is quick to anger, and learning how to keep calm has been my biggest armor with narcissists. If I can do it, trust me you can learn to keep your cool, too. When you get angry, the narcissist will have a field day. The things narcissists say in an argument can scramble your rational brain:
“Look at you, so pathetic. Look how angry you are, it’s so childish.”
And look, you will. You will look at yourself and see how much of a (DONKEY) you are! You will think, “Oh my God. It’s true. I’m pathetic and childish. I’m the abusive one. Look at how calm the narcissist is. Only the good guy would be calm.”
When do you know you’re on the losing side of a narcissistic argument? When you start to struggle and wriggle and squirm and try to get your point across. The more you try to make yourself heard, the bigger you’re going to lose.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THE NARCISSIST WANTS TO MAKE YOU STRUGGLE. THEY LOVE THE DRAMA AND LOVE TO WATCH YOU GET HOT AND BOTHERED. IT GIVES THEM A TYPE OF PLEASURE CALLED NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY.
Also remember that every time an argument begins, it’s actually scheduled. Narcissists use all sorts of strategies to get you to become mad and frustrated. They love to watch you struggle. Whenever you think a narcissist couldn’t possibly be one, remember that narcissists are evil and mean and manipulative enough to get away, all over the world. So protect your heart.
Narcissists have ZERO empathy, but require it from you. Narcissists are INCAPABLE of feeling sorry for you. They literally cannot see beyond their own noses. If you hang around a narcissist waiting for them to notice how they are making you go through pain and distress, I assure you: Narcissists will never notice, and even if they do, they will never give a flying rat’s ass. I am 100% confident of that fact.
How to Win an Argument with a Narcissist
In this section, we shall look at how to shutdown a narcissist. Let’s get started.
How to argue with a narcissist? You don’t.
So you want to “win” an argument with narcissist family, friends or boss. I’ll stop you right there. There is no winning in the conventional terms. There is only you remaining with your sanity intact. That’s how you come out victorious. In order to win an argument with a narcissist, here’s what you do:
- Maintain your composure
- Don’t feed them with any information that they will use as ammunition in the future
- It’s not an argument, it’s just narcissistic supply fishing. So be cool and calm
- You can never win any argument. That’s it.
How to stop an argument with a narcissist? Technically, you can never win the argument. What do I mean by that? I mean that the narcissist is way more advanced in argumentative skills than you are.
Their senses hone in on your slip-ups. They have a sharper memory than you do, and they can and will bring up old stories to stab you. They don’t give a crap about you, and they don’t need your stamp of approval to happily exist.
You will never win because you are an empath or codependent. You have little stock in your own self-worth. Your brain gets muddled easily. You never believe in yourself, and others have more importance than you. You live in constant anticipation of other’s needs. That’s how narcissists argue. And that’s why you can never win the argument.
But… (Yes there’s a but) you can have some success in the argument. What does success over a narcissist look like?
- You leave with your head screwed on right
- You don’t spill any secrets that they will horde and use later to stab you
- You maintain your peace
- You don’t get angry and frustrated.
You can achieve all this sweet victory by using a few carefully placed phrases that I will reveal to you. I’m so excited for my fellow narcissistic abuse victims to revel in some glory that they truly deserve. Use these phrases in an argument and watch how you succeed with shutting down a narcissist.
Phrases to Win Against A Narcissist
In this section, let’s look at what to say to shut down a narcissist.
How to end an argument with a narcissist?
These are the 3 phrases to use with a narcissist that I know for sure will give you success against a narcissist. It takes a bit of getting used to to really feel the benefit of these phrases. A little disclaimer: Try not to start arguments with a narcissist because it will end badly for you. However, arguments with narcissists are the opposite of rare. That’s because they feed off arguments. When arguments arise, go ahead and be sure to use these phrases to shut down a narcissist.
I’m sorry you feel that way
What to say to a narcissist to shut them down? – I’m sorry you feel that way.
This is a HOT ONE! You have to be careful because it might make the narcissist go crazy. Narcissists always want you to depend on them for your validation. They want you to hang onto their every word. Telling a narcissist that you are sorry they feel that way means that you don’t give a crap about how they feel.
NARCISSISTS WANT YOU TO CARE ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL. YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO FEEL HOW THEY FEEL. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE YOUR INDIVIDUAL FEELINGS. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE CONNECTED TO THEM AT AL TIMES AND SERVE THEM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE SORRY THEY FEEL THAT WAY?
When you are sorry someone feels a certain way, you are distancing yourself from their feelings. You are not engaging and immersing yourself in their minds. You literally don’t care about their opinion. This can really enrage a narcissist, but believe me, it will empower you!
I just want you to know how I feel
How to shut down a narcissist? Say this to a narcissist when they begin to argue with you when you need to put a point across: I just want you to know how I feel.
Narcissists like bringing up all the evil things you have done to them. This wasn’t even an argument, it was a way to put out your opinion.
This is a good phrase for when you need to let your feelings be known. I mean, we can’t just sit around ignoring all the lies a narcissist says about us. Some important things need you to be firm in your opinions. These situations can include when your children are involved, or money. These are times when you need to put your statements out on the table.
I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re a monster and I know you will make up lies and manipulation but at least I have my truth on record.
You’re allowed to feel that way
One of the things to say to shut down a narcissist: You’re allowed to feel that way.
Caught with a narcissist in an argument? A narcissist is going OFF on you about all the things you do to them. Maybe they are the one who began this as a way to farm for narcissistic supply.
This phrase allows you to stay focused on your sanity. It ensures that the narcissist knows you are not agreeing with them, but you are also not going to throw your opinion to the wind and side with them. You are your own person and you don’t need to have the stamp of approval from a narcissist. You don’t have to agree with anyone, let alone a manipulative creep!
You are allowed to distance yourself from other’s opinions. You have opinions, and it’s time you showed the world that you cannot and will not choose their opinions above yours from now.
Stay Away from Narcissistic Arguments
You’d expect me to be the last person to stay away from a fight. I’m a fighter. But even I have learned that the true way to fight a narcissist is to stay away from the fight. It will be hard at first, but you need to be willing to look to the future: A future with peace and calm.
How do you deal with not arguing with a narcissist?
I know how hard it is to cope with that burning anger that narcissists cause in you. They make you so mad and frustrated with their lies and manipulation. How can you possibly not start a fight to prove your innocence? What kind of a person stands down when someone is TESTING them?
I know all about this. But I have learned the truths, and you can trust me. This is how I deal with keeping my peace by not engaging in a fight:
Coping Strategies for Narcissistic Arguments
Okay, an argument was started by the narcissist. You had to sit and watch, not retorting and using the phrases mentioned in this post. You simply have to cool off. How do you do it? Here’s how:
Hear me out! I’m not one of those happy-go-lucky coaches that wants you to journal your sad thoughts. I mean, okay, maybe I am. YOU NEED TO JOURNAL IF THERE IS A NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE. (Yes, I’m screaming at you.)
We narcissistic abuse victims have a tendency to forget all the horrible things a narcissist does to us. Am I right or am I right? I’m sure you can think of a million times when you forgot what a narcissist said to you that got you to break down into sobs. Even if it was a few minutes ago, it’s completely vanished from your head. That is why you need write down that horrendous thing they said to you.
This is one of my current faves at the moment. I record myself talking about all the evil and horrible things the narcissist says or does to me. Sometimes I cry and it breaks my heart to re-hear those recordings, but I do it anyway.
I also use this recording idea to tell myself affirmations, and to console myself. Make sure to record your thoughts immediately after a narcissist does something unfair to you. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s easy for me to forget what they did to me.
Talk to someone about it
You know that thing they say: You never really understand the injustice done to you until you tell someone else about it. You need to discuss with someone else to cope with a narcissist. It can be a family member, a friend, or a stranger.
I understand it can be hard to tell anyone about a cunning narcissist who seems to be a darling angel to the community. You can join support groups, and comment under youtube videos if it brings you catharsis.
These are the ways that I cope with staying away from narcissistic arguments and making sure not to engage.
In this article, we have looked at some phrases to say to a narcissist. I hope this post benefits you with how to shut down an argument with a narcissist. Share with me you thoughts in the comments below.
Hi! Before you leave, I wanted to announce my e-book on Narcissism which you can get here. It is called “You Make Me Feel Like Crap”. Here’s a pic of the cover, too. Please consider checking it out.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- How to Spot a Narcissist | Top 3 Red Flags of a Potential Narcissist
- 10 Mind Games Played by Narcissists
- 10 Strategies for Dealing with a Narcissist
- 6 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Conversations
- 7 Things Narcissists Say to Get You Back
- How to Win an Argument With a Narcissist
- How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist
- How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Trap
- How to Beat Narcissists at Their Own Game
- #1 thing to avoid when talking to a narcissist
- 6 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No-Contact
- 3 Things a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know
- 5 Crucial Life Skills for Empaths and Codependents
- How I’m Dealing with My People Pleasing Behavior
- Unethical Guide to Setting Boundaries
Helpful Books on Narcissism:
- Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi
- How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse by JH Simon
- Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse by Dana Morningstar