Today is one of those days where I feel like crap. Why? Because I was too shy to stand up for myself. It doesn’t help that I started off the morning with journaling and writing down amazing affirmations about how I was going to conquer the day.
If you go on Twitter and check out the hashtag #GrowingUpShy you can see how similar people are to you. Shy people unite! Being shy is all fun and games until you’re curled up in the shower crying because you couldn’t fight for what you deserve.
I’m usually a regular person going about my day. A lot of the time, I don’t run into trouble with people who disrespect me and challenge my integrity. These people don’t even have to be particularly targeting me. Sometimes people are just looking after themselves or doing their job.
Let’s face it, it’s going to be only once in a while where I have to deal with difficult people. However, the times that I do, I’ll blow it out of proportion. Well, at least I used to. These days I have great coping mechanisms that help me to bounce back from whatever negativity I am hit with. (That’s after I have had an ugly-crying performance in the bathroom.)
I’m still learning. I’m still beating my cognitive distortions one by one. I have to calmly dissect all my feelings from a place that isn’t influenced by whatever emotions I’m dealing with. In this post, I’m going to share with you my honest, tried and tested techniques on how to come to terms with being shy. I’m going to deal with the frustrations that come from failing to make yourself the priority.
How to Come to Terms with Being Shy
Let’s get into my 5 tactics for how to come to terms with being shy:
1 | It’s a bad day not a bad life
This is a common cognitive distortion called “Magnifying”. We LOVE focusing on the bad parts of our lives instead of enjoying the great, beautiful things that make up our lives! I can attest to being a pessimistic Grinch-like character for the most part of my life. When I started letting go of negativity, I felt fresh and light. I don’t hold on to the times I couldn’t stand up for myself. I tell myself that there are so many times I stood up for myself and felt proud! Or that I will do better next time!
2 | You have so many more amazing abilities!
Yeah, being shy sucks. But here’s the thing—you exist in perfect harmony with the world. You are made up of all the right elements in all the right quantities. You have a place in the world. You have a purpose. You are a thread in the great tapestry called life.
3 | Practice cognitive restructuring
Shy people can be prone to cognitive distortions. Examples of cognitive distortions involve all-or- nothing thinking, magnifying negatives, magical thinking (where you think you know everything that someone else is feeling), and many others. These are inherently negative for your mental health and you need to learn how to restructure your thoughts. Decatastrophize your thoughts. Stop imagining outlandish consequences for your actions. This is a technique that has really helped me to improve my mental health.
4 | Prioritize yourself
So many mental health problems start with putting your own well being in the back seat. I’m guessing you have at some point come across people calling for you to put yourself first and to be selfish with your time and effort. Well, I’m one of those people. Learn to make yourself a priority. Put your self preservation at the top of your to-do list. Be your number one supporter and fan. You are your most valuable asset!
5 | Are you shy or just generally quiet?
I’m not the social chatterbox. I’m a quiet and reserved person. The people who know me can probably attest to the fact that I’m a great conversationalist and I’m quite knowledgeable. I just don’t have the time and energy to indulge random people in conversation. I enjoy being quiet and no one can bring me down talking about how quiet and shy I am. This is a trait of mine that I completely made peace with, and it benefits me so much.
Accept your shyness, but work on it
Shyness can hinder your opportunities. If you can’t speak up, you’re going to make things difficult for yourself. However, there are times when you let yourself down and need to feel better about yourself. That’s why I created this list of steps to help to come to terms with being shy. Because I also face days when I can’t stick up for myself.
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