We all get hurt and upset at some point. That’s how life is. There are good times, and bad times. I didn’t come up with the rules—that’s just the way things work. What happens when someone close to you hurts you? It feels really bad. It could be family, friends, or a significant other. It’s disappointing when people you love and care for disappoint you. However, it could also be a random stranger like a security guard or a cashier at the counter.
Do you ever feel that dip in your stomach when someone hurts you? Or how about when your lips just droop of their own accord? I feel you. Yesterday, one of my close friends upset me. If you know about me, then you know I’m on a self growth journey. There would have been times where I would cry and cry in the shower because I’d be so hurt and upset. However, I’ve learned to healthily process my emotions. I didn’t shed a single tear this time. I’m going to take you through how to pretend you’re not upset.
How to Pretend You’re Not Upset
Here are my 5 tried and true methods on how to pretend you’re not upset:
1 . Give your emotions a chance to run free
Squashing your emotions doesn’t bring any good. Observe your emotions like they are young preschoolers bawling, or seething in fury. Understand where they are coming from. Make notes on every possible angle as to why you are upset. Listen through every thought that runs wild. This is a healthy way to process exactly what it is that you are feeling. This exercise shouldn’t last more than 5 minutes or less.
2 . Start reasoning out all the irrational thoughts
Some of our feelings are fueled by cognitive distortions and dysfunctions. There is a type of cognitive distortion called “magnifying”. This means that you begin to blow things severely out of proportion. Just because you messed up at school today doesn’t mean you will fail all your classes and never amount to anything in life. Start rationalizing all your rouge and outlandish thoughts. Use precision and logic to sift through all the thoughts that don’t really make any sense. I have more on cognitive distortions here.
3 . Ask yourself if you really want to feel these destructive emotions
Once you filter out all the thoughts that don’t really make any sense, ask yourself: Do I really want to let this emotion take over my whole day? This question always zaps me back to reality. I have a history of loving to play the victim, and I kind of think I used to enjoy suffering. These days I know I have complete power over my emotions. I don’t want to ruin my day by being angry, or being upset. I could use that same energy to write more, or paint more. If you learn to break out of the whole victim mentality, you can learn to understand that suffering is not good. Nobody needs to suffer.
4 . Do you really even care about the person that hurt you?
This one is a kind of a callous tip, but: do you even care that much? People are people. This means that they will always find a way to hurt you. Besides, not everyone can be as empathic are you are—do they even think about you as much as you think about them? People have their own lives and if you confronted them, they would probably spin tales about why they hurt you. So, is it really worth it? I find it easier to avoid confrontation and work on myself instead.
5 . Be in control of your emotions
Sometimes I feel that there is power in bottling up anger and lashing out towards the person that hurt and upset me. In fact, I’ve talked about how I feel that anger makes me powerful in this post. I feel that if I let go, it means I’m weak. However, ask yourself: if you allow someone deep and intimate access to your emotions, who has more power—you or the person who hurt you? Letting go means that you prove to yourself that you and your happiness matters more than what anyone else throws at you. You sanctify your mind and body by not allowing others to defile your spirit and mental health.
Be Powerful and Choose Your Own Emotions
This is how I managed to quell down any rogue and destructive emotions from my recent external mental attack. I tell myself that I value myself enough to remain in a positive and up-beat mood instead of engaging in some negative emotions that someone else instigates in me. Why would I give more brain space to someone who won’t support me? I would rather fight towards my goals and my ultimate purpose! So there you go—I hope you can use my same tactics to help you to pretend that you are not upset.
Additional Helpful Posts:
- How to Stop Being Angry and Resentful All the Time
- How to Talk Yourself Out of Anger
- How to Set Boundaries & Learn to say NO
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