Learn how to stop being too nice. As in, being nice to others but at a cost to your own self, whether emotionally, financially or physically. If you are an empath, you can relate. We just tend to stick up for others and be used as a fallback or a cushion. In this post, I get into some personal issues that I face with being a little too nice.
Hey guys, it’s you’re friendly social anxiety-ridden dysfunctional 20-something year old again. Are you one of those people that just can’t stop being nice? You don’t even want to but you watch your hand reaching into your purse to give away the only pen you have right before class? You watch in slow motion as your body betrays any thoughts you had of putting yourself first.
It’s a lightning fast reflex for me to help anyone in need. That’s okay. It’s great to be a good, helping human. But… what if you’re doing things at a detriment to your own self? You are putting other people way before you. You are suffering in scarcity while others enjoy your own blessings.
You decided to be organized and pack everything you needed before the day began. You decided to have everything at the ready. For yourself. However, you find yourself having to take care of other people while burdening yourself.
And, if you’re like me, you help people like it’s your one sole job on this earth. You feel that you are the only person who can help them, or else they will suffer a terrible fate. Oh, that’s me alright. I feel that it is my job to serve others no matter my predicament. I scramble to cater to people as soon as is possible. I don’t want to keep them waiting! Almost like I’m the only one with water for miles around and they are parched.
People like this, people who are too nice, usually have some kind of mental health crisis going on. You might be a dysfunctional human being brought up by parents who want to show off too much to society. You might have low self esteem and want to be seen as a good person by others. No matter what the case, you need to put your mental health first and care for yourself before you drain all your energy by giving too much of it away.
In this post, how to stop being too nice, I want to give a few anecdotes, a few tips to help you to learn how to put yourself before others. After all, as I like to stress: Putting yourself first is not being selfish—it’s being self-respecting, stable, and respectful citizen of this planet. How can you help others if your own being is in disarray?
People are not really dying for your help
When someone asks for help, I’m always on alert to offer assistance as fast as possible. I scramble around, do double time, and leap to help them. In the process, I’m putting myself in the back seat. I’m exploiting from my own resources and not thinking twice about my own well-being.
I’m not upholding the sanctity of my being. But really… is that person dying for my help? Am I the only person they can turn to for that particular assistance? Better yet, can I help them in another form rather than what they are directly asking me for?
Why?
Why do they need a certain thing from you? What do they need it for? I never stop to question. I just scramble to give and provide as fast as I can. Slow down and ask them why they are asking for help. Who knows, maybe you can even help them in better ways than they think they require!
By asking why, you will gain more information on what they will need your belongings/money for. You can save hours of agony by simply asking why somebody needs something from you. Furthermore, you need to know what your things are being used for. You need to be able to account for where exactly your help is going.
Say no
I know a lot of us that are too nice have some form of mental disorder going on. Take for example, social anxiety, fear of disappointing others, fear of abandonment, and many others. It’s hard to say no. How can one small word be so heavy to say? But as a dear friend of mine once said: All of a sudden you can’t speak? You can’t say one small word: no?
Put yourself before others and say no. Just do it. Clear your mind of any limiting thoughts and say that tiny little word: no. People are quick to say, “If she didn’t want to give it to me, she could have just said so!” “I wasn’t forcing her to do anything.” I like to blame myself for a lot of things, and sometimes I blame things on my social anxiety. However, what if it really is just all my fault? My fault for not opening my mouth and speaking up for myself.
Practice
My recent resolution is to practice not helping people. Even when you can, say no. Come up with an excuse and deflect them. Besides, if you weren’t there at that particular moment, they could have easily asked someone else. This is an exercise to make it easier for you to protect your energy. You get to protect yourself from making bad decisions like giving away your own things that YOU absolutely NEED.
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That’s it, guys. This was an emotional piece for me to write because I wrote it at the edge of an emotional breakdown. I keep helping others at a cost to my own well-being. I suffer while I watch people use things that I worked hard for. I hope you can use these tips to help you to stop being too nice to other people.
Peace,
Aza.
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