Lately, I have been practicing self compassion. It makes me feel so good. It is a mindset shift that you need in your life, too.
Yesterday when I messed up and went on an eating rampage, I was so upset with myself. However, after a few hours of berating myself, I decided to offer myself some compassion. It made me feel so much better. I felt so refreshed like I had drunk some of heaven’s exotic wines or something. It was such a breath of fresh air to feel consolation from my own self.
What is Self Compassion?
Most of us don’t show ourselves enough compassion. We do more of self-criticizing. Here’s the thing, if you were talking to a loved one or a child, you would be a lot less like a monster. So why are we so evil to ourselves? Why do we talk like we are the tough coach who wants the kids to get in line and always barks orders?
Self compassion means being a bit more lenient on yourself. When you mess up, you don’t go criticizing yourself and screaming about what a failure you are. You should be speaking to yourself like you would a loved one. In fact, you should be speaking to yourself in an even more loving manner.
You are your number one priority. You need to speak good things. Remember that you are always listening, even to that negative and harsh internal dialogue that’s always on repeat in your mind.
If you were a kid and your parents were always criticizing you about everything you did, yelling about the smallest things, you would be a bit miserable. I know when my family goes off on me, I feel like utter crap. So why do we do it to ourselves?
Why Self Compassion is Important
Before we learn how to show more self compassion, we need to understand why it is important. What are the benefits of practicing self compassion?
SELF COMPASSION REDUCES STRESS
When you scream and yell inside your head, you are going to go down a path of sadness and stress. You always let yourself know how you messed up, and that’s all you ever tell yourself. You never really throw a party when you manage to achieve something big.
It’s just always a lot more stress when you pile self-loathing and hatred onto yourself when you mess up. Imagine that you consoled yourself and talked about what you did right instead of wrong. Trust me when I say that you would feel a lot better.
SELF COMPASSION BRINGS PEACE AND CALM
When you speak to yourself with calmness and a bit of sweetness, you will feel a lot better. Some of us feel like we can’t be sweet and soft. That’s me, by the way. Every time I try to be soft and good, my family hates it. Well, I don’t listen to their opinions anymore.
In fact, when I’m sweeter to myself, I find it easier to be practice self compassion. I feel so good. I feel so happy when I can be compassionate and loving to myself.
SELF COMPASSION CREATES SELF LOVE
Some of us have never truly felt that unconditional sort of love. That’s why it’s hard for us to love ourselves. I think we can blame our parent’s bad parenting strategies. I guess they thought being tough would shape us into better human beings.
Wrong. It turns us into codependents who rely on our relationships with others to complete us and give us self worth.
Being kinder and more compassionate to yourself draws out that self love that makes your life a lot better. Self love allows you to love yourself, and if anyone rejects you, you won’t feel bad because you got you 😊.
SELF COMPASSION INSTILLS CONFIDENCE
I’m a lot more confident now days. If anyone is ever rude to me, I tell myself to remember that I got me. And no one can make me feel bad. Telling myself these phrases makes me feel so protected, like someone is really looking out for me.
I have truly got my back. Words mean so much to humans, and the words you tell yourself mean the most. Just a simple phrase like “I got us and we are going to get through this together” can be the difference between a normal day and a mental breakdown sort of day.
How to Show More Self Compassion
Now that you get why self compassion is a cool thing, here is how to start showing compassion to yourself. Remember to take your time and experiment to see what works for you.
DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP
Stop beating yourself up. Literally just stop. There is no healthy amount of beating yourself up that is good for you. When you do something bad, don’t launch into how you are not good enough, and you never do anything right. You suck and you will always be a screwup. Why do you have to do that? Yeah, you messed up, but you just have to take a moment of silence and get back up and try again. That’s all there is to it.
PRAISE YOURSELF
Can you remember a single instance where you were happy with yourself and you said, “Oh my God, I did such a good job. I’m proud of me.”
We never do self-praising. But that’s the secret. Enjoy the moment of success and prosperity, and be sure to praise yourself over and over again. You can use these praises:
- I did a great job!
- I’m so proud of myself
- I feel so good
- I achieved a phenomenal thing!
DON’T CRITICIZE YOURSELF
Stop criticizing your every action. Louise Hay taught me to never criticize myself. She says that’s the first step to loving yourself. Never hate on yourself for your actions. Don’t criticize yourself. Don’t act condescending to yourself. Would you ever criticize a child if they dropped the icecream you bought them? Alright, maybe you would, but you really shouldn’t.
SELF-SOOTHING
Another way to practice self compassion is through self soothing. When things are not going right for you, talk to yourself. Use sweet pet names and soothing words. Tell yourself that you will be there for yourself no matter what.
And it’s true. You will always have your own back. Everybody leaves at some point, but you will always have to rely on.
SELF-CONSOLATION
“It’s going to be fine.”
It’s up to us to take over reassuring our own selves. Keep saying positive affirmations to yourself. Never let negative thoughts bring you down. Remember that negative and positive thoughts have the same power. Whatever you choose to dwell on is what will come to you. Therefore, you need to learn to console yourself.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
The final tool to help you show compassion to yourself is to believe in yourself. Believe in your abilities more and more. Keep believing that you will get those things that you desire. Never lose hope in yourself.
Learning to believe in myself has vaulted me to greater heights. I’ve read books like The Power of The Subconscious Mind and The Magic of Believing. These have transformed my life. I believe in the power of my thoughts. I believe that I can believe enough to reach my goals.
Three Phrases to Show Self Compassion
Here are some examples to get you into the flow of how to show self compassion. These are the phrases I’ve been using lately, and they are pretty much affirmations. The best way to use affirmations is immediately after a negative thought. Use them to cancel out the negative thoughts.
IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY
This is the most important thing that you need to tell yourself over and over again. It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay.
You know, I used to hate it when I would tell people how I felt and they would say phrases like, you are going to be okay. I felt like they were disregarding my opinion and invalidating me. Now I know that these are ways to practice soothing.
I DID MY BEST AND THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH
No matter what happens, I’m going to be proud of myself. There’s no reason to rag yourself down over and over again. You did your best. You did what you could. You are good enough. You are worthy. You deserve all the good things, just the way you are.
Remember to acknowledge all the things that you do achieve. What’s even better is to blow your successes out of proportion. If you’re like me, you don’t know how to deal with good emotions. Try to speak out loud about how you feel, and what you achieved. Say it out over and over again. Learn to be proud of yourself.
HEY, WE DON’T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW
This is my current absolute favorite. It helps me to keep my cool when my temper flares up, and to reschedule depressive thoughts.
When people try to get on my nerves, I tell myself: Hey, we don’t have to deal with that right now.
I don’t have to deal with things that I know are detrimental for my mental health. I hope this phrase comes in handy for someone else, because it really helps me to focus on being positive and happy.
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